Busted!

(telephone ringing)

Me: Hello?

Him: Mrs. P.? This is Billy, from across the street.

Me: Hi, Billy! How are you?

Him: Well, not so good.

Me: I'm sorry to hear that.

Him: Yeah, I need your dog's help with something.

Me (raising eyebrows): Oh?

Him: Yes ma'am. Have you noticed any ..umm.. extra paper in your yard lately?

Me: Extra paper? No, can't say that I have. Why?

Him: Because your dog and I are in trouble.

Me: I'm not following.

Him: My wife leaves for work before I do and I'm supposed to bring in the paper before I leave. It used to be a secret that I forget, because I get home before she does and bring it in then. Lately, though, your dog has been coming over to get our paper, taking it back to your house and shredding it.

Me: Are you sure it's him? It seems as though I would notice that much paper and I haven't seen any.

Him: Yes ma'am. I'm sure because the last couple mornings I've had to wrestle him for it and he's won. I'm not upset about what your dog is doing - I think, normally, I'd be laughing about it, but my wife has threatened to make me sleep over there with your dog if I don't get it stopped.

Me: (Imagining this grown man in the kennel with the dog and getting a little tickled.)

Him: Mrs. P., this isn't funny. I think she means it!

Me: Uh oh! (stifling laughter) I tell ya what. We'll do two things. One, we'll check his electronic collar to see why it isn't working (we have an underground fence that should be keeping the dog in our yard), and, two, we'll take him out for his morning constitution on a leash and bring him back inside until we figure out what's wrong with his collar.

Him: I sure appreciate that. I think after this, I won't have much trouble remembering to bring the paper in before I leave for work. I appreciate your help. And Mrs. P.?

Me: Yes?

Him: Give that crazy dog a hug for me. Just don't let my wife see you doing it.